Mighty Bear Woman speaks: Bears in the News
It galls me that whenever bears are in the news, it’s almost always for something stupid that humans do. For example, if you typed the words “bears” and “pot” into Google last week, you would have been taken to any number of stupid news stories dealing with a bunch of jerks growing pot. (Of course, it’s difficult for me to type because of the claws—I do my best but I’ve smashed up several laptops already.) The jerks had corralled twenty of my ursine friends into guarding several acres of marijuana crops. Police in British Columbia, hearing rumors of bear sightings in the area, decided to investigate. According to the Huffington Report: “Though the officers were nervous at first, they soon discovered the bears to be docile and acted almost oblivious to their presence, according to reports.”
What irritates Might Bear Woman the most is the image amused readers have of this scene: a bunch of very relaxed bears passing around a joint, heck, munching on a joint, while listening to Hendrix.
“Hi, it’s Dave Bear,” someone knocks on a tree.
“Dave Bear’s not here,” a voice growls.
In other bear news: in a commercial for Twins baseball on one of the MLB channels my alter-ego, Daiva, pays too much for, Justin Morneau works out with a bear at the gym. Morneau says something like: “Just because I’m Canadian, people think I wrestle bears and drink maple-syrup.” The upshot is that Morneau doesn’t drink maple-syrup—he has a McDonalds soft drink instead—but ends up pumping iron with the very fake looking grizzly. Absurd. The only reason Daiva was lowering her baseball standards to watch the Twins is because they are in race for 1st place in the American League Central Division. I hope the bear steps on his hand.
As for the Chicago Bears, or Bayer’s as they’re called in Central Illinois (like the aspirin), they’re 0 for 2 in exhibition games. Not looking like a promising season. May have to cheer for the Lions.